$#!+ Gone Down in Toyland was initially conceived as Thrill Land's primary outlet to present general humor. As opposed to Gregor the Gravedigger or A Pirate in Charlotte the humor is nonspecific and not character-based. Down Toyland contains jokes on the everyday and absurd questions on life as well as classic spins on traditional humor such as fly-in-my-soup jokes, puns, etc.
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ALL JOKES ARE ORIGINAL CREATIONS OF THRILL LAND
RETURN TO HOME
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Life is a pair of iron-on jeans and a bottle of happiness-free Coke.
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I remember a long time ago when I was little. It was far in the past, and I was a lot shorter than I am now.
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So I keep finding weird bruises on my body. I think it might be my detergent.
Alternatively, I might just need to take off my clothes before putting them through the washer.
Alternatively, I might just need to take off my clothes before putting them through the washer.
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This is a confusing age we live in. Well, better go water the dog and walk the plant.
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How did the preface ask out the introduction?
By not being too foreword
By not being too foreword
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I've heard I got dropped on my head alot as a child, but I wouldn't remember now would I?
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If you wake up on the wrong side of the bed upside-down does that make it right?
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Waiter, I can't eat this. There's a fly in my soup. — I'm vegan, bro.
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Have you ever been driving and felt like something was missing and then got pulled over for wandering aimlessly on the interstate?
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If you finish your food before leaving the grocery store does that mean it's free?
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Growing up, I was always confused by the U.S.A. vs Canada price on the back of books. I didn't know we used different currencies. I just felt bad we were always trying to rip-off the Canadians.
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The essayist knew writing on the paper's edge was unorthodox but felt the risks were marginal.
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If bottled water is "all natural" than where do the bottles grow?
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I could tell a joke about standing behind someone for an hour just to get a Capri Sun. But I'm afraid it just be a bad punch line.
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I'm starting to suspect that having a boat is more trouble than its worth. Not even ten minutes after I start the thing it stalls. And then, well, the owners show up, and it's just a huge mess.
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iPads? Bah! Why in my day, the only things kids got to stare at for hours on end was called a corner.
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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
Nice try dill-dummy, but you're payin' for your meal.
Nice try dill-dummy, but you're payin' for your meal.
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Does anyone else feel that smoke alarms are overrated like seat belts, one-way signs and expiration dates?
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If you have a problem with slamming doors just start sticking your fingers in them... For more great tips follow this page.
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Chonky, n., of or relating to a state of chunkiness so vast wherein the letter "u" collapses in on itself coming together to form an "o."
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Have you ever forgotten someone's name and try to play it off by saying something like, "Hey trouble!" or "Hey sexy!" ... Yea, grandma didn't appreciate either.
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Called a friend last week, told me about this new diet he's on. I ask him, "Is it any good?" And he says, "Absolutely, I can eat whatever I want." Then I reply, "Wow, how's it work." "Simple," says he, "I don't want." "Food?" I ask. He smiles, says "No, the diet."
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Not looking forward to the summer solstice. I mean talk about a long day, am I right?
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Exercising is HARD. My arms are tired, my back aches, my legs are stiff and I want nothing better than to just lie down. And I can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel when I actually start
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It's not micromanaging, it's "workforce optimization." And you're not a wage slave, you're a "valued" employee
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So I think nightshift is really getting to me. I remember, a little while back, I swerved to miss an arrow that was coming my way. Turns out it was painted on the road.
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Have you ever been nailing something with a hammer and accidentally hit your finger? But begin to relax as soon as you realize it was actually someone else's?
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Why did the road smack the chicken?
Because it got tired of being crossed
Because it got tired of being crossed
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Ever wake up in a dream and realize that reality is all just a bad nightmare?
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DUDE 1: Oh man, I can't believe I missed the first band.
DUDE 2: Well, the next one playing is 3 Doors Down and after that it's just Garbage.
DUDE 1: I don't need to know the where or the what all I want is the who!
DUDE 2: Oh, too bad my friend, they were on first
DUDE 2: Well, the next one playing is 3 Doors Down and after that it's just Garbage.
DUDE 1: I don't need to know the where or the what all I want is the who!
DUDE 2: Oh, too bad my friend, they were on first
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This was a pandemic joke...
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
I'm sorry, sir. I'll tell it to properly social distance next time.
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
I'm sorry, sir. I'll tell it to properly social distance next time.
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What fruit will voluntarily give up a throne?
Abdicados
Abdicados
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Don't worry if not every joke lands, because not every joke will fly either.
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Why wasn't the priest able to finish his exams?
Because he kept having trouble consecrating
Because he kept having trouble consecrating
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Walt Whitman once said, "Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)" I quoted this as a response to a comment recently, and this user immediately blocked me.
... I think she thought I was calling her fat.
... I think she thought I was calling her fat.
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I was talking over possible baby names with the Mrs. I suggested, "Samson." She hands down rejected it. "Why?" I asked. She fixed me with a look and, fuming, she said, "Why on earth would we name our child after our TV?!"
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Have you ever been so absent minded that you couldn't even remember what you were trying to forget?
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Another gem from the pandemic. Intended to be a parody of "Closing Time" by Semisonic:
COVID times, one last call for Lysol
Replenish your toilet paper in fear
COVID times, you don't get to go anywhere
So just stay here
I don't even want to stay at home
I don't even want to stay at home
I don't even want to stay at home
STAY AT HOME!
COVID times, one last call for Lysol
Replenish your toilet paper in fear
COVID times, you don't get to go anywhere
So just stay here
I don't even want to stay at home
I don't even want to stay at home
I don't even want to stay at home
STAY AT HOME!
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You'll never believe what just happened! I had some sandwiches delivered and, no joke, inside one was a human finger. Enraged, I immediately called back and shouted over the phone, "Hey! Where's the rest of my hand!"
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Ever slipped on a frozen pond or puddle and failed to find the humor in it? Well, don't worry too much, because I'm sure everyone watchin' did
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Is seriousness just comedy in reverse?
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Waiter, what happened to all the "fly-in-my-soup" jokes?
Cockroaches took over, but we didn't think you find those in your soup quite as funny
Cockroaches took over, but we didn't think you find those in your soup quite as funny
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I would say, "I'll pretend I didn't hear that," but if I've already responded, I guess I don't have a great imagination do I?
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Sometimes the purpose of my jokes are self-defeating — just like decaffeinated soda.
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Is it in poor taste to play "The Final Countdown," by the band Europe, at a funeral?
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Sometimes politics are left in limbo. And by that I mean everybody is seeing how low they can go.
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SAME OLD FOLKS: So what do you do for a living?
ME: I take complaints.
SAME OLD FOLKS: How do you like it?
ME: No complaints.
SAME OLD FOLKS: Uh, somehow, I seriously doubt that.
ME: I take complaints.
SAME OLD FOLKS: How do you like it?
ME: No complaints.
SAME OLD FOLKS: Uh, somehow, I seriously doubt that.
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Can anyone tell me how to know if the time machine I bought off Craigslist is authentic?
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First thing I'm gonna do when the pandemic ends is go back to blasting "Down with the Sickness" by Disturbed. It's a little bit in poor taste right now.
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Growing up in the 90s, my family was so broke the power company came and shut off our tap lights.
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Grocery lists from the Mrs. are so confusing! "Red potatoes?" Like what? Seriously!? Just say apples! They're called apples!
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BBQ just ain't the same unless it's swimmin' in lighter fluid. Mmmm, just like Great Uncle Cousin Pa' use to make — before the accident.
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In the beginning, I used to do jokes about toys but then I learned they were nothing to be played with.
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Today, I'm gonna be COVID fancy—I'm gonna comb my hair
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I know this girl who's Super HOT ... So should I wait for her fever to work itself down or call an ambulance?
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Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!
I know sir, really, we thought you'd come to expect it by now.
I know sir, really, we thought you'd come to expect it by now.
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Ever liked someone but was too scared to admit it? Yea, me too. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen—threaten an ex with a carpenter's knife.
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Are robots all the same gender or are they non-binary? 10101010101010101!
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Hear me out.
Salt kills weeds (and everything else forever).
Hear me out.
Salt lines keep out ghosts.
Hear me out.
Y'know those clingy weeds on the side of homes?
Hear me out!
Well, I got an idea on how to keep your home weed and ghost free at the same time.
Salt kills weeds (and everything else forever).
Hear me out.
Salt lines keep out ghosts.
Hear me out.
Y'know those clingy weeds on the side of homes?
Hear me out!
Well, I got an idea on how to keep your home weed and ghost free at the same time.
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I'm confused right now.
But not pig eating a pork chop confused.
So, yea, at least, there's that.
But not pig eating a pork chop confused.
So, yea, at least, there's that.
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I learned something today. If you ever sneeze into your pillow, you can just turn it over to the opposite side.
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If you're not the best at humor, at least, take comfort knowing the joke isn't on you.
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If anyone wishes to feel young again, just sell your car, quit your job and move back in with your parents.
... suddenly, being older ain't so bad, now is it?
... suddenly, being older ain't so bad, now is it?
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Someone told me I should give 'em the third degree. But I misunderstood then had to run and grab the fire-extinguisher.
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I gotta give some credit for optimism, when trying to outrace the police, the dude on the evening news was a real "gas-tank-half-full" kind of guy
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Another Pandemic Joke
What do you call catwoman after being vacinated?
Michelle Pfizer
What do you call catwoman after being vacinated?
Michelle Pfizer
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Anyone who says soccer isn't a blood sport has, obviously, never been to a little league game
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What do you call a director who can never finish a film?
A Quittin' Tarantino.
A Quittin' Tarantino.
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I think if we could just add "and check your phones" after the "stop" on stop signs, they'd be like 90% more effective.
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ME: I'm getting forgetful at my age.
MRS.: What's that supposed to mean? Like by the time you're 40 you'll be running around naked in the middle of the street?
ME: In my defense, I was planning to do that anyway.
MRS.: What's that supposed to mean? Like by the time you're 40 you'll be running around naked in the middle of the street?
ME: In my defense, I was planning to do that anyway.
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Just got back from the hospital, and may I say everything there was outstanding — especially the bill
ALL JOKES ARE ORIGINAL CREATIONS OF THRILL LAND
RETURN TO HOME
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