What are you some kind of wise guy?!

I did play a king in a nativity scene once.

Waiter! This order taste like dog food!

Tastes?

I know this looks bad, officer, but I can explain. It's just due to certain legalities, I would prefer not to.

What do you call a ghost that's upset because he's so average?

Mean spirited.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!

Really? And here I thought we were on a budget.

Money is immaterial.

No kiddin’? Than what's it made of?

Geez, you look like death what happened?!

Life.

Why do shapes not like triangles at ninety degrees?

Because they always think they're right!

Sorry, I have to run. I gotta feed my dog.

To what?

Sure, the “Merry Old Land of Oz” seems attractive enough. But what they don't tell you is that it's surrounded by impassable desert.

That's not paradise — that's a prison state.

You know some of your humor doesn't translate very well.

Well, I see your point, so, yea, I guess I could brush up on my Japanese a little.

I have always held great respect for those in the hot-air balloon industry. I find them very uplifting.